An argument is simmering in your living room. Again. Rehashing the same frustrations and points. Like a broken record, it keeps playing. You are both tired, so you may ask, “Isn’t there a way out?” The relationship whisperer is a marriage and families therapist who can help. Explore the next steps in your relationship journey on the next page.
You may be wondering, “What is the role of a marriage & family therapist?” Imagine that a person is scanning your relationship like an X-ray to identify fractures. They will then suggest how to repair them. But they’re not just interested in problems. They are in business of improving what works. As a coach refines an athlete’s technique they want to enhance your life play.
Do not misunderstand, therapy isn’t a magic potion. Imagine that it’s more like gardening. Imagine tilling your soil, removing weeds and providing the proper nutrients for your plants to grow. Anne, a friend of mine, decided to give it a go. She and her boyfriend walked into the therapist’s room like boxers in an arena when they felt that seven-year itch. Six months after their reconciliation, they had been rejuvenated.
Here’s what you need to know about therapy sessions: It’s all about your relationship with your partner and the art of dialogue. Some people are reluctant to open up to strangers, which is understandable. Eventually, though, the facade of stoicism will crumble. As you begin to speak, you unearth things you did not even realize you were burying beneath layers of daily chores. Each session becomes an encapsulation of your life, compressed and rich. It’s almost like opening Pandora’s box and discovering all the good stuff inside.
The therapist’s mirror is one of the best things they can do. The mirror doesn’t only reflect, it also lets you see how your partner perceives you. It’s like a 360 degree review at work except it is much more personal. There are also fewer spreadsheets. It pushes you towards introspection and allows you to see both the mess and miracles side-by-side.
Jake had communication problems, which were mostly due to his childhood, in which emotions were something you hid under the rug, hoping no one would notice. With time, he was able to rewrite the scripts he’d been writing for decades. In conflict, instead of stumbling and stalling, he learned how to communicate clearly. Imagine being heard and finally understood.
The therapist can help you reset your expectations. Lila, my cousin, was convinced that her partner would be able to read minds. Their therapist encouraged them to express their needs, rather than assume that the other person already knows. It was like learning cheat codes that no one ever taught in school for relationships.
Therapy is not just for couples. Family dynamics? Another box of fireworks? Imagine the family gathering where grievances are simmering in polite conversations. A family therapist plunges into the pot to calm it down. There was plenty of drama in our family. Mom, dad, and the siblings had all developed scar tissue over years of miscommunication. Unexpectedly, having a neutral person ask “So, how did that make your feel?” made a huge difference. The group hug is the next step.
We’ll talk about young minds, kids and teenagers. They can be difficult to understand. If they don’t speak in a language you can’t understand, then they won’t tell you exactly what is wrong. Claire, the neighbor next door to us, couldn’t understand why her teenaged son was acting so out of control. It was therapy that helped decode the angst of his teenage son. Sometimes, it is not about fixing what’s broken; it’s also about understanding why it was broken.
Marriage and Family Therapists are the Himalayan salt to the right kind flavor. They will help you take down high walls and allow the sun to shine into those places you have forgotten. Therapy won’t resolve every issue over night, as anyone who has experienced it can confirm. The road is bumpy and there are sudden turns. Each session gets you closer towards a relationship you’ll be proud of.
You’ll be amazed at how much lighter your life will feel once you’ve let go of all the emotional baggage. It is like spring-cleaning for your mind and heart. You release the garbage that has been cluttering up your relationship, allowing the good stuff shine through.
The next time you feel like throwing in the towel, give therapy a shot. You might find the golden thread to tie it all together. Who wouldn’t like a healthier, happier family life?